Fulfilling My Dream part 1

Apologies — I have been absent for a long while. It’s a rollercoaster journey with highs and lows. Last year, I reached a low, which I will will write about at some stage.My physical progress is far slower than before; I think age is catching up with me. But I believe the brain injury adds 20 years onto my real age — so let’s say I’m 67!

The progress is linear, with its ups and downs, and tremendously slow no matter how hard you work. This is extremely frustrating because I am human — and we all love instant results. But the key thing I’ve learned is to be grateful. Even if you want more, that’s fine — but be grateful to God for what’s already in your hands.

After my accident, very soon after, I knew I had to perform Umrah. And eight years on, I finally fulfilled my dream last summer. I had been to the Holy Land before my accident — in fact, in the prime of my youth, when I was full of energy and life. This time, I was returning to the holy city in a dire needy state; I felt like a beggar before God. Standing in front of the Kaaba, I couldn’t bring myself to ask for recovery, because maybe this state is better for me. My foremost prayer was to make me content with whatever recovery God wishes for me.

It was an arduous journey, but I felt at home. At times, I didn’t even feel my brain injury. In London, even a short nip to the shops tires me out — so completing Umrah was nothing short of a miracle.

Following Umrah, and during the entire process, I felt more alive than I have ever been in my lifetime. Just as our body needs fuel, I felt I was fuelling my soul. I have always said I accepted my disability, but I don’t think that was entirely true. I don’t have four perfect limbs; I don’t have my speech. Life as a disabled person is challenging and very tiring — but I am grateful for what I have achieved. To be content with oneself is possibly one of the greatest achievements in life.

Now, when I look back at my Umrah, I marvel at how well my Creator knows me. My husband had asked me a few times, “Should we go now?” and the time just never felt right. Then, last May, to my astonishment, when he asked again, I said, “Yes, let’s do it!” I don’t know where that answer came from — perhaps I felt that while I still had some health left, I had better go. But God knew I needed a revival of my heart.

From this experience, I’ve learned to trust God’s timing. We only see the immediate, but He sees what lies ahead of us. I want to thank all the people who made my journey possible — you know who you are!

I’m sorry I don’t write as much as I should, but I’ve always been a very private person. People often tell me I’m amazing — but believe me, I’m not. Ask my immediate family — I get frustrated, I get angry; I am human. But I’m trying my best to live with what I’ve been given. No one has it easy in life, but this life only comes once — so don’t waste your time. Live, appreciate and be happy.

Lots of love,

Hannah